Mock Essay


Commentary:  This essay earned an “A” for exceeding the requirements for the Mock Essay assignment.  Michael does a great job of making an unrealistic argument seem completely valid.  He uses a number of “sources” and quotes to support each premise presented in his introduction.  His thesis statement serves as a solid overview, mapping out exactly what the body of his essay will contain.  Each citation used is referenced in his Works Cited page at the end.  While the overall quality of this essay is excellent, one improvement could come from tagging his sources: rather than just providing a name, the “credibility” of the sources could be increased by citing where the quote comes from or stating the qualifications or expertise of the folks he quotes.  Pay attention to the differences between his introduction and conclusion.  The conclusion summarizes without repeating the introduction word-for-word and leaves us with a thoughtful exigency (the "Jerry Springer" final thought).


Michael Doolin

Ms. Borger

English 2 – 6th Hour



Virtual School

     Video games are becoming increasingly popular among children and adults. Educators and politicians are thinking about integrating video games into the American school systems. Eventually even replacing schools all together. Many people are predicting that our current school system will be replaced with video games within three to five years. About ten percent of Americans don’t like this idea for a new form of education, but politicians argue that video games will be able to replace any class a student might take, make school more fun, and they will improve test scores.  

     If video games were to take the place of our current school system, they would be able to replace every class that a student would take. For English class, kids could play role-playing games also known as RPGs. According to Cloud Strife “RPGs are considered by many people to be the next generation of novels, and in a few years the only books that will be available will be in the form of video games” (81). Math and Science classes could be replaced by various forms of video games that integrate math and science questions into them. Thanks to the Internet, games can teach subjects that need more than one person such as Speech, Philosophy, or a foreign language. For PE class, students could use virtual reality games to get exercise. 

     Video games would make school more fun and less stressful.  Many students agree that video games would make school more fun because they would be able to interact with their classes instead of just sitting there listening to lectures.  Students would be able to do their class work in the comfort of their own home; this will cure the problem of students who think desks are uncomfortable.  Princess Zelda says that:

Students will be able to choose which version of a subject that most appeals to them. If they don’t like that version of difficulty
level, they would be free to change it to a setting that they do like. In real life, this would be like a student changing his
or her teacher or class, therefore letting him or her enjoy his class more. (7)

Video games will thus increase the percentage of students who enjoy going to school.

     Video games will help improve the grades of many students. All kids like playing video games, so if they replace school, kids would try harder to do their schoolwork. Students will actually enjoy doing their work because it would be in the form of a video game. Students will also do much better on tests and quizzes. This is because if a student does poorly on a test or quiz, he or she will be able to just press a reset button and take the test over until he or she is satisfied with the grade that they get. A high school teacher named Samus Aran predicts that “within a couple of years this form of testing will become so popular among students and their parents, that it will be used worldwide in every school (32).

     For many years now, educators and politicians have considered putting video games into our school systems. They feel that it will help improve grades in our schools since school grades and attendance has been slipping over the past few years. Video games seem to be the answer to all of our educational problems. Tests have shown that video games are able to take the place of all the normal classes in a school, they make school more fun for students, and they will help improve the overall average of schools. Video games will help American children be more prepared for life as an adult and help them get better jobs in the future.


Works Cited

Aran, Samus. Virtual Tests. New York: Nintendo Publishing Co., 2003.

Strife, Cloud. “Next-Generation Novels.” Final Fantasy 7 Feb. 1997: 81.

Zelda, Princess. The Future of Schools. New York: The Legend Co., 1995.