This is Caitlin’s drafted body for her mock essay. It is pretty solid and I used it as an example in class on Wednesday, October 7th because of her use of quotes for support.
Keep in mind that it is a draft—there are minor errors and the commentary I gave her is missing here…
Notice how each of her quotes follows the format we discussed in class on 09/30:
tag+quote+cite+explanation = good support
Obesity could be solved in America by rationing food to all people and by giving the people who are already obese only enough food to sustain life. According to a recent Stanford University study, “obese people have enough nutrients stored in fat cells to live for 363 days with no food at all” (Eader 97). If obese people are only given food every 363 days, their bodies will use all of the nutrients stored in their fat cells, and they will not have excess nutrients to put into storage. Therefore, the fat cells will shrink because they will not be storing nutrients. According to the surgeon general, “if food is rationed from birth starting in 2009, the problem of obesity in America should be solved by 2092” (Templeton 87). Giving only small portions of food will eliminate excess calories that are then stored in the body as fat.
Another way obesity could be solved in America is to discontinue the use of motorized transit systems. Dr. Howard Henry once stated that “planes, cars, buses, boats, trains, and all other forms of motorized transportation are the main reason for obesity” (Henry 607). According to Harvard University, “by driving a motorized vehicle to work each day, Americans are cutting back on 3,490 hours of valuable exercise time each year” (Simmons 365). If people walked or rode a bike everywhere they went, they would have no other option but to exercise. Exercise is proven to burn calories, which reduces obesity. Many people argue that they do not have enough time to exercise each day, so this is one way to incorporate exercise into the schedules of all people.
Obesity could also be solved in America by not producing any manufactured foods. Dr. Robert Jones has found that “manufactured foods account for 97% of our daily calorie intake” (Jones 27). Cutting 97% of our daily calories would ensure that we had no unnecessary calories at the end of each day. Americans would have to start coming up with ways to grow their own foods, such as farming and gardening. According to Dr. Tony Nelson of Florida State University, “both farming and gardening are great forms of exercise. The products are much healthier than manufactured foods as well” (Nelson 772).